Communication
James 3:13-15
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, and demonic.
Wisdom – Enables one to face trials with "pure joy." Wisdom is not just acquired information but practical insight with spiritual implications.
The solution for the problem of controlling our tongues is to seek divine wisdom. The person who possesses godly wisdom will meekly show it with works, not just words. That is, believers should be slow to speak. If you have worldly wisdom, which is nothing more than self-interest don't boast about it. Don't just be slow to speak; rather, don't speak lies at all. If wisdom displays itself apart from good conduct and meekness, it is not from above. In fact, it is characterized as earthly, wise by the world's standards, sensual, meaning natural as distinguished from spiritual, and demonic.
Whatever camps in your heart, is going to be on your tongue.
Ephesians 5:4
4 neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
Ephesians 4:29
29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
Grace - unearned, unmerited favor or blessing.
This means that when we talk to our life partners, there is to be purity in our speech. Our words are to be gentle, reasonable-ready to yield-not always insisting on our own way, our own viewpoint.
Reasonable speech is full of kindness and mercy. Our goal should be to build up others, especially our life partners.
Before we speak, we need to take time to think about what is most appropriate. In other words, what does my husband need to hear at this particular time or what words would particularly benefit my wife at this moment?
James 4:1-2
1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. (NIV)
The conflict within us is between our sinful desires for pleasure (material things) and the desire for God's will, an attitude the Holy Spirit has placed within us.
Have you ever been hurt because your husband or wife didn't meet your expectations? Did you want something-only to be refused? You wanted to be loved, understood, comforted, encouraged, or held, but your spouse seemed either unwilling or unable to meet your need. You sent out all the right signals, but they weren't received. Did it leave you feeling a little nettled, maybe a little angry?
We then proceed to shoot our mates as we let loose with both barrels filled with hateful, spiteful, angry words. We murder our mates with the buckshot of iron verbs.
Galatians 5:16-24
16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
The desires of our flesh are at odds with what the Holy Spirit desires for us: to be free from sin. Living by the promptings and power of the Spirit is the key to conquering sinful desires.
References:
Good Communication Begins With the Heart
March 3, 2009
Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Commentary
The NIV Study Bible, Zondervan
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