Losing Loved Ones

A friend of mine recently lost her mother and it lead me to think about how people deal with losing a loved one. I have lost several family members in the past, but no one in my immediate family. I have lost 2 grandfathers, a grandmother and a great-grandmother. Although it hurts, you are consoled somewhat by the fact that you know that they have lived a full life and they are no longer suffering if they were ill.  Losing a young child to illness or a friend to suicide is wholly unlike losing one’s aging parent to natural causes.

Grief reaction it differs according to the survivor’s personality, cultural and religious beliefs, coping skills and support system, as well as the circumstances of the death. There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.These steps are on a linear timeline, but not everyone goes through all of them; not everyone experiences this order.

Losing someone or something you love is very painful. After a significant loss, you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as shock, anger, and guilt. Sometimes it may feel like the sadness will never let up. While these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming, they are normal reactions to loss. Accepting them as part of the grieving process and allowing yourself to feel what you feel is necessary for healing.

Driving While Distracted

Distracted Driving

Distractions while driving include texting, talking, messing with the GPS or radio, and even eating. Less common are putting on make-up, combing/brushing hair and shaving. Many also believe that using a hands-free device and talking to other passengers in the car are just as distracting.  In 2008, distracted drivers killed 5,870 people and injured another 515,000. Texting was found to be a factor in 200,000 accidents.

Texting while driving is illegal in 25 states, resulting in fines of about $100. In Wisconsin, four points are added to your license and if you get twelve points in a year, your license will be suspended. In Utah, you get three months in jail and up to $750 fine. If texting leads to vehicular manslaughter, you will get fifteen years in jail and a $10,000 fine. Congress is considering reducing federal highway funds to states that fail to ban texting while driving. The Department of Transportation has launched a campaign (distraction.gov) to raise awareness of the dangers of driving while distracted and want to increase fines and penalties.

Teenagers (16 - 19 years old) are four times likelier than older drivers to be involved in car accidents (attributed to inexperience and juvenile behavior (including speeding and tailgating) . If you add to that the distractions of texting, talking, adjusting the radio/CD player, the risk of an accident jumps. A 2009 study revealed that adults are just as likely to be texting while driving as teenage drivers (27% vs 26%), but are more likely to be talking on a cell phone while driving (61% vs 43%).

Edmunds.com lists 10 driving distractions and gives advice on how young drivers can stay focused behind the wheel. Technology has been developed to help with cellphone distractions while driving. Several smartphone applications that use the phones GPS to sense when the car is moving and will block the ability of the phone to send and receive texts. Additional equipment is necessary to have this functionality on regular cell phones. Other applications transform text into speech.

Children watch how their parents and other adults drive. If you text and drive your children or other children that you influence are more likely to do this as well. So be an good example for others.

CULTIVATING

It is amazing how much knowledge you can gain if you just listen. A guest pastor spoke today and what a lesson we were given. The lesson came from the “The Parable of the Sower” taken from Matthew 13 (3-9, 16, 17, 18-23). He titled the sermon "Cultivating."

Matthew 13:3-9 Parable of the Sower

3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow.6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9He who has ears, let him hear."

In order to grow healthy plants you need:

1. Good Seeds - The seed is the Word/Gospel and it is ALWAYS ready to be planted
2. Good Soil - The soil is the Listener. The question is “Is the soil ready to receive the seed?”

Types of soils - Matthew 13:18-23  Parable of the Sower Explained

18"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

• Along the Path speaks of soil hardened by much human and animal traffic; thus it failed to allow penetration of the seed, leaving it fair game for the birds  - the listener does not understand what’s being said
• Rocky Places refers to a shallow soil resting on a shelf of rock. The thin layer of dust or dirt accelerates the seed’s growth under the hot sun, but the plant could only live a short time because of the shallow soil.  - the listener quickly accepts the word, but stumbles with any tribulation
• Among the Thorns suggests good soil occupied with wild growth - the listener accepts the word, but the worries of this world and/or love of money chokes the word from them. -- Unfruitful
• Good Soil refers to prepared or tilled soil that allows prosperous growth - the listener hears and understands the word -- Produces Crops
• Not all Christians are equally fruited, but all are fruitful in some way

We can never receive more than we believe, and we can’t believe more than we understand. The differences are not found in the Word but in the preparation of the soil to receive the Word.

Life - An Education in Patience (cont.)

As I continue to practice have more patience in every aspect of my life, I find that my stress level has dropped dramatically.  I still catch my self, at times, falling back into old habits. This usually happens when I am tired or stressed. I am learning to not let things get to me as they once did. I have consciously decided not to comment on certain things and to let things happen.

I continue to do bible study daily, although I have to alter times of day as my schedule changes. I have to admit that life has become more enjoyable. I plan on to review my notes on this bible study on a regular basis.  I have also found that as my patience improves, my anger at things also improves.  I continue to go through the bible study on anger.

Life - An Education in Patience

I have finished by 1st run through studying about patience, but the process is a continuous. You can control what you say and do, but you cannot control how someone else will respond. I have been trying my best to apply this education to every part of my life.

 I have stated this more than once in my head and wondered why things weren't really going my way. It was only until I truly waited for God to answer did things begin to make sense and begin to work themselves out.

What I have also found is that although you believe that your patience has improved, those around you may not believe it has.  I press you to continue in your journey, it will soon avail itself to them and they will see your change.  And it may even show them that they may need to look at themselves as well.

I do have to admit that it has not been easy. I must admit that if it was not for my mother, I would not have been able to withstand the trials I have gone through over the past several months.  I still have a few hurdles to overcome, but she is still behind me supporting me and giving me unbiased advise. I will come back to this topic as its significance arises as life goes along.

Patience

Being patient is not easy. Especially when it seems you have already waited a lifetime or the situation that you are currently experiencing seems unbearable. I have learned by reading, praying and talking to others that  although it seems like this "hole" that I am in continues to get deeper, I am gaining insight to help me in other obstacles that I may encounter down the road.

I have learned to pray and garner any help and guidance I can from all sources. By chance I came across a little book called "God's Wisdom for you Every Need." This has been a great help to me in those times when I really need a quick education in not giving up or how to respond in a particular situation.

I have also learned a great deal about myself in the ongoing process. Although I have been patient, at times, I may not have been patient enough.  I need to wait that additional second, minute, hour, day, etc. longer that I may want to.

My first prayer in my knowledge quest was this: Lord, being patient isn't easy. I have my agenda for when things should happen -- and I'm frustrated and resentful when they don't. Patience will come to me, though, when I'm truly surrendered to you -- so here I am, God. Do what You want in my life, in Your time, in Your way. Amen
(Light for my Path)

I know I have much more to learn and am eager to continue.

Life - An Education in Patience

Life gets complicated at the most unexpected and what seems like the worst times. I have been told that its not what life throws at you, but how you respond to what life throws you.

Recently I have had several setbacks in my professional career, which as expected, effects my private/personal life.  I hit me hard because everything in my life has generally "progressed as planned." Now everything in my life has not been perfect, but the little bumps in the road have been relatively easy to navigate.  This most recent curve life has thrown me hasn't been as easy to navigate.  Mainly because it is not just me that is effected.  I now have a family and so I feel responsible for the effect this is having on them.  Also others hold the key as to how things will progress and all I can do is await their decision.

I have to admit the past 9 months have not been easy for me.  I am used to being in control or I should say I thinking I was in control of my life. My current situation has shown me that no one is ever in control of their lives because you can never control what others do or how they respond to things you do. I believe that God is  teaching me patience.

What does this really mean? Webster's Dictionary defines as the ability to endure waiting, delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset, or to persevere calmly when faced with difficulties. One bible dictionary defines it  as an active endurance of opposition, not a passive resignation. It is endurance, steadfastness, long-suffering, and forbearance.

Alzheimer's Disease

I traveled to Roanoke, AL to help my mother move in with my grandmother who has Alzheimer's Disease.  She was diagnosed over 5 years ago. She was placed on two medications initially.  This stabilized her symptoms, but her memory eventually began to deteriorate again.  She is not able to drive or live alone. She has been living with family for about a year. Her hip replacement gave us a reason to have her live with others to keep her safe. She has been in Washington State for the past six months. My mother has retired and has now moved to Alabama to live with and take care of my grandmother. I think we need to be around her as much as possible. Since I don't live in Alabama, I will need to try to visit as much as possible.

Alzheimer's Disease Facts
Alzheimer’s disease is a progressive and fatal brain disease and is the most common form of dementia. It was named for German physician Alois Alzheimer, who first described it in 1906. Dr. Alzheimer noticed changes in the brain tissue of a woman who had died of an unusual mental illness. Her symptoms included memory loss, language problems, and unpredictable behavior. After she died, he examined her brain and found many abnormal clumps (now called amyloid plaques) and tangled bundles of fibers (now called neurofibrillary tangles). Plaques and tangles in the brain are two of the main features of Alzheimer’s disease. The third is the loss of connections between nerve cells (neurons) in the brain.

Currently there is no cure.

Poems by Langston Hughes

Being Old
It's because you are so young
You do not understand
     But we are old
     As the jungle trees
     Old as the forgotten rivers
     That flowed into the earth
Surely we know what you do not know;
     Joy of living,
     Uselessness of things.
You are too young to understand yet.
     Build another skyscraper
    Touching the stars.
We sit with our backs against a tree
And watch skyscrapers tumble
And stars forget.
     Solomon built a temple
     And it must have fallen down.
     It isn't here now.
We know some things, being old,
You do not understand

Langston Hughes

Poems by Langston Hughes

Song for Billie Holiday

What can purge my heart
   Of the song
   And the sadness?
What can purge my heart
   But the song
   Of the sadness?
What can purge my heart
   Of the sadness
   Of the song?

Do not speak of sorrow
With dust in her hair,
Or bits of dust in eyes
A chance wind blows there.
The sorrow that I speak of
Is dusted with despair.

Voice of muted trumpet
Cold brass in warm air.
Bitter television blurred
By sound that shimmers--
   Where?

Langston Hughes

Dusk by Langston Hughes

Wandering in the dusk,
Sometimes
You get lost in the dusk--
And sometimes not.

Beating your fists
Against the wall,
You break your bones
Against the wall --
But sometimes not.

Walls have been known
To fall,
Dusk turn to dawn,
And chains are gone!

Langston Hughes

A Schedule?

Its amazing how much more you can get accomplished when you set a schedule. If you limit the time you spend on a project to 2-3 hours at a time, you will accomplish more especially if you take a 15-30 minute break and/or change projects.

I have found that this helps me get me through the day and with less stress. Understand, I didn't say no stress, but less stress. By making a schedule I find that I waste less time, especially if I schedule breaks as well.

Before you set your schedule, you need to prioritize you tasks with your family and their schedule in mind as well. You may also schedule some quiet/private/alone time if needed.

1. Decided what type of schedule you will keep paper, computer or internet based. I keep mine on the internet and I have it sync to my phone. This allows me to update my schedule no matter where I am.
2. Make a list of tasks and decide whether they will recur daily (i.e. daily walk, meditation, bible study, etc.)
3. Prioritize your tasks
4. Place these tasks on your schedule
5. Stick to your schedule, but understand you need to be flexible
6. Check off task as they are completed, this will give you a feeling of accomplishment.

There are multiple web sites which give you ideas on how to schedule your time. Compare it to the list above. This list has worked for me. Being flexible is important especially if you have a family and/or school-aged children.  Scheduling quiet/personal/alone time is important as well.  This will help you recharge your battery or give you a boost in the middle of the day.

Introspection

Over the past several months, life has not been going even close to what I had planned.  I have noticed that I get upset rather easily lately.  I read two passages in a book I have had on my self for over a year and it really hit home. One on patience and another on anger, they give the "symptoms" and the "treatment."

Lord, being patient isn’t easy. I have my agenda for when things should happen – and I’m frustrated when they don’t. Patience will come to me, though, when I’m truly surrendered to You – so here I am, God. Do what You want in my life. 

Dear God, Sometimes I get angry so easily. Things go wrong, people don’t act the way I want them to, someone’s words rub me the wrong way.  Help me, Father, to control my anger, to keep it from spilling out, hurting those around me. Remind me that usually, when it comes right down to it, I’m angry simply because I can’t have my own way. Give me the strength to accept whatever You send into my life. Amen.

I have taken these passages to heart and have been more at peace over the past week. A little introspection and self-examination is necessary every once in awhile.